Hats of the Tour de France

Today is our second-last day in Maputo and the house is a warzone of packing cases and bubble wrap. I’m already suffering from moving PTSD, so… I’ve done what any sane person would do in the circumstances: poured the last of the grappa into a glass, and found a quiet corner of the house to model the hats of the Tour de France.

The Skoda – ubiquitous

The Skoda is your bog standard Tour hat. The Czechs come early in the caravan and are generous with their hats. Consequently, everyone’s got at least one or two. What it lacks in exclusivity, however, it more than makes up for in utility. A generous fit and reasonable brim make the Skoda a handy sunhat for the hours spent waiting for the peloton to arrive.

The Bic – classic

Bic have gone for the classic cycling “casquette” stye, and the simple white, orange and black styling is remarkably effective. This hat can be surprisingly hard to come by. I was lucky enough to find – in the beer queue in the Cafe du Glandon – a disappointed (and presumably hapless) Czech who had somehow managed to miss out on a Skoda. He was willing to swap his Bic for one of my spares, and we were both happy. I was much the happier, having got by far the better of the deal, but the main thing is…. we were both happy (but I was happier).

Festina – louche

For a name indelibly associated with one of the Tour’s darkest moments, Festina remain remarkably visible on the Tour. There is something ineffably French about their lack of contrition. An American or English sponsor would have run for the hills at the first whiff of scandal, but not Festina. Instead, they continue to show up year after year, bringing the punter this stylish (raffish, even) number in navy, white and red – surely the sartorial equivalent of a Gallic “bouffe” and shrug. “Chapeau,” I say. Literally.

Cochonou – fragrant

Without question the most sought after hat in the caravan, the Cochonou has it all – a racy red and white gingham print? Check. Rarity value? Check. The faint whiff of processed pork products? Yup, you guessed it – check. I got this one on the Alpe d’Huez after hopping the barriers to get from one side of the road to the other, attracting the opprobrium of a young lady gendarme. Next to me, a drunken Pole literally fell off the side of the mountain trying to lay claim to his own Cochonou. Laugh? We almost shat.